"I'm slightly perturbed about my boyfri
end's response to my dilemma today... It wasn't what I expected at all. I'm aware that my bf seems to get slightly "protective" of me, especially if the situation concerns guys, but I'm wondering whether what he wants is a little over the top. There's been a few incidents involving guys recently that my bf has expressed his "disappointment" in my responses to the situations.
The first incident was when my friend "Dan" texted me to ask me if I was in his area. My friend Dan and I have been friends for 4 years, and it is an extremely platonic relationship. He's one of my few guy friends that I value because I know he would never cross the line, and our catch-up dinners or hang-outs usually involve sharing stories about whatever dating shenanigans or relationship woes are going on in our lives. In fact, he's explicitly stated how he's impressed by our no sexual tension friendship, and I agree, it's a great friendship that's golden based on the fact that we're just completely not interested in each other in "that way."
Anyways, so he texts me on Friday night, saying that he's getting drunk in preparation for his upcoming law school finals, and was asking if I was in the area in case I wanted to join him. We've been out drinking together before, actually most of our catch ups involve drinks, but he doesn't ask me to hang out and drink in "that way," which is exactly how my bf took it. And on the note of opposite sex friends, my bf has quite a number of female friends himself, and I don't understand why he seems to get particularly huffy with mine, when I'm pretty accepting of his.
My second incident was today... my job involves working with people who have disabilities, and yeah, the spectrum of peoples' capabilities varies a lot. I got asked to "lunch" by a client who seemed a little taken by me, and honestly, it took me a few minutes to figure out that catching lunch might have been him asking me out. Obviously, for me there's a conflict of interest, but regardless of the particular individual, if someone asks me to lunch, my first assumption isn't always to think that "oh hey, they like me," so I feel that it would be a stuck up thing to immediately assume they're interested and shoot them down. For the most part, I'm just a friendly, smiley person, especially at work, and I'm like that with everyone! I don't flirt, I'm just respectful and nice to anyone who walks through the door.
My bf seems to believe that any interaction of mine and any guys that I know, whether it be friends, co-workers, whoever, should always involve me stating that I have a boyfriend. He felt that for my friend "Dan," I should have said "Oh, I'm hanging out with my bf, I can't go out." Me on the other hand, I feel like that's weird, especially when Dan is well aware and respectful of the fact that I have a bf. In general, it always feels completely awkward to seemingly pull the bf card out of nowhere and place it into the situation. I feel that I can handle the situation without having to shout to everyone that my bf is a main variant.
I understand where he's coming from and his feelings about it, but at the same time, it isn't my style, and it has nothing to do with being ashamed of him or hiding the fact. My bf is important to me, and I love him, and people in my life know I'm with him and that we've been together. Especially with the situation of today, I'm a little more hurt that he couldn't understand that the lunch incident made me uncomfortable. I'm not a confrontational person, and I'd rather try to let people down easily and let them salvage their pride versus having to shoot them down immediately with "oh, I have a bf, sorry..."
In fact, it usually doesn't occur to me that they're hitting on me, I have to stress that I don't like being presumptuous. Maybe I'm being naive in hoping it can be handled differently? That maybe they'll get the hint in some other way, and that we can just pretend it was something innocent versus them trying to hit on me?
So here's the thing... should I always state upfront that I have a boyfriend, and is my bf right in that this should always be a factor in any of my responses, or am I justified in feeling that in most cases it is unnecessary to hold it up in blinking letters to everyone?"
end's response to my dilemma today... It wasn't what I expected at all. I'm aware that my bf seems to get slightly "protective" of me, especially if the situation concerns guys, but I'm wondering whether what he wants is a little over the top. There's been a few incidents involving guys recently that my bf has expressed his "disappointment" in my responses to the situations.The first incident was when my friend "Dan" texted me to ask me if I was in his area. My friend Dan and I have been friends for 4 years, and it is an extremely platonic relationship. He's one of my few guy friends that I value because I know he would never cross the line, and our catch-up dinners or hang-outs usually involve sharing stories about whatever dating shenanigans or relationship woes are going on in our lives. In fact, he's explicitly stated how he's impressed by our no sexual tension friendship, and I agree, it's a great friendship that's golden based on the fact that we're just completely not interested in each other in "that way."
Anyways, so he texts me on Friday night, saying that he's getting drunk in preparation for his upcoming law school finals, and was asking if I was in the area in case I wanted to join him. We've been out drinking together before, actually most of our catch ups involve drinks, but he doesn't ask me to hang out and drink in "that way," which is exactly how my bf took it. And on the note of opposite sex friends, my bf has quite a number of female friends himself, and I don't understand why he seems to get particularly huffy with mine, when I'm pretty accepting of his.
My second incident was today... my job involves working with people who have disabilities, and yeah, the spectrum of peoples' capabilities varies a lot. I got asked to "lunch" by a client who seemed a little taken by me, and honestly, it took me a few minutes to figure out that catching lunch might have been him asking me out. Obviously, for me there's a conflict of interest, but regardless of the particular individual, if someone asks me to lunch, my first assumption isn't always to think that "oh hey, they like me," so I feel that it would be a stuck up thing to immediately assume they're interested and shoot them down. For the most part, I'm just a friendly, smiley person, especially at work, and I'm like that with everyone! I don't flirt, I'm just respectful and nice to anyone who walks through the door.
My bf seems to believe that any interaction of mine and any guys that I know, whether it be friends, co-workers, whoever, should always involve me stating that I have a boyfriend. He felt that for my friend "Dan," I should have said "Oh, I'm hanging out with my bf, I can't go out." Me on the other hand, I feel like that's weird, especially when Dan is well aware and respectful of the fact that I have a bf. In general, it always feels completely awkward to seemingly pull the bf card out of nowhere and place it into the situation. I feel that I can handle the situation without having to shout to everyone that my bf is a main variant.
I understand where he's coming from and his feelings about it, but at the same time, it isn't my style, and it has nothing to do with being ashamed of him or hiding the fact. My bf is important to me, and I love him, and people in my life know I'm with him and that we've been together. Especially with the situation of today, I'm a little more hurt that he couldn't understand that the lunch incident made me uncomfortable. I'm not a confrontational person, and I'd rather try to let people down easily and let them salvage their pride versus having to shoot them down immediately with "oh, I have a bf, sorry..."
In fact, it usually doesn't occur to me that they're hitting on me, I have to stress that I don't like being presumptuous. Maybe I'm being naive in hoping it can be handled differently? That maybe they'll get the hint in some other way, and that we can just pretend it was something innocent versus them trying to hit on me?
So here's the thing... should I always state upfront that I have a boyfriend, and is my bf right in that this should always be a factor in any of my responses, or am I justified in feeling that in most cases it is unnecessary to hold it up in blinking letters to everyone?"
Ar1as Ent. 2009
*The photos, views,thoughts and opinions expressed on this section are strictly those of the original author and not entirely of Ar1as Entertainment. This section may be a compilation of/and may include; conversations with female friends, articles we read, personal experiences, others thoughts/views, and/or research.
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