Managing the Truth (Venus Speaks)

Truth; the true or actual state of a matter.

"I think what strikes me most about what I sometimes crave and feel like I'm missing in relationships is that exposure of vulnerability. The relief of exposing the darker sides of yourself and knowing that you are embraced and loved despite those flaws. And similarly I guess feeling like I don't really know that side of my SO also creates some mistrust on what they're about.



Times have changed, I don't struggle or suffer the way I once did in my younger years, and so everything appears fairly normal. And truth is, I've built myself up, I'm a lot stronger than I once was and I don't think there's really any chance of relapse... but my take on the whole "the past is in the past," is that my past is still a critical part of me, still a critical part of what shaped me. My darkest moments are one side of the coin and though dormant, exist right there beside the best side of me.

I guess a large part is that concept of saving face. I think it's also a large reason I'm so careful of getting too close to most people and I rely on the few who've already been there through the years and have seen it all, or gravitate towards people with similar troubles, because they understand. I know in past relationships my issues have generated worry from SOs, and I guess there was always a certain amount of guilt and feelings of being a burden. I don't want to be anyone's pity case or be treated very differently b/c of the knowledge of what I've gone through, but at the same time I feel like someone may not really know me unless they know where I've come from.

Reading PostSecret reminds me of a lot of things that go in my head that I would never say aloud or write, ever. Nothing big, but just those random human thoughts, wishes, doubts, fears, dreams, or mostly just irrational what-evers, mostly things that I don't want to admit, or wouldn't, or thoughts that I fight. It's about the actions you choose to make versus the thoughts in your head that drift around.

Although at the bottom of it all... as much as I crave, say, or on some level want this or that, I don't know honestly if I'm ready for it... do I want it, do I really? Another thing on being stronger in relationships, or maybe it's just plain denial... but ignorance is bliss. In the way that people don't want to know each others' dating pasts, maybe more isn't better, b/c more is scarier, and more means going further into the realm of "this is going to hurt more and more like a bitch the further you go." It's already at the point of where I know if things were to fail, that I'd be extremely heart broken, but then to go into these areas that I've been dwelling on for the past few entries, I know that it could result in losing a best friend if it were to get as close as that."*

By Venus Speaks

Ar1as Ent. 2010

*The photos, views,thoughts & opinions expressed on this section are strictly those of the original author & not entirely of Ar1as Entertainment. This section may be a compilation of/& may include; conversations with female friends, articles we read, personal experiences, anonymous submissions, others thoughts/views, &/or research.