"Don't ignore your gut 
instincts... don't ignore when you feel something, you know, you just know, you can't deny... when people are "shifty" and they won't give straight answers... I hate to be right, I fucking HATE to be right... but the time-line of evidence is just too coincidental to not be true.
It makes sense that since, even from the beginning, I saw and felt, and well, always want to give people the benefit of the doubt... and I feel sick to my stomach, and it all makes sense... And I think I know in my mind and heart it's confirmed. I feel sick and I'm not really sure what to do, how to feel...
I suppose it can be argued that it all happened before we got together... but the fact that he lied the whole time, and really, my morals are that I WILL not touch a guy who I know has a gf... And the main thing that it all comes down to? Honesty, trust, respect... lies. My read on things, was, as much as I wish it weren't true, completely right. And I feel sick to my stomach.
I'm pretty sure he was with his ex-gf all the way up until we got together (so yeah, really, didn't sleep with anyone else, I find that hard to believe). It all kinda makes sense, I was suspicious of a few things for a while, like his ex going to a baby shower for his cousin, if they had really been broken up for hella' long, why would she ever get invited? Also Disneyland, and exchanging things a few months later... and now it DOES make sense! Wtf* am I supposed to think? Why didn't I push for answers earlier?
There's always that small glimmer of... "but maybe there will be some kind of
loophole so I can feel better about this and justified for staying... but the thing is, I just will never ever know if he would cheat on me, if he would throw the same disregard in my face... who knows if things started "dragging out" at the end, that I'd end up a fool once more..." I could never really trust that! Who knows, it could be the same... weekends with me, the week with someone else? Who knows...
The problem with this... it hits on EVERY fear and trust issue I have. The whole problem with my first love, the guy who has my name f-ing tattooed to his arm?, is that he cheated on me for the last 6 months of our relationship... I knew, I had that feeling, that fear, and aside from the betrayal, what has damaged me the most and makes me the most paranoid is the fact that it went on under my nose the whole time, and we were LIVING TOGETHER!!!!!
And so this hits me too, particularly hard, because of the dishonesty, and lying to my face and deception... False sense of security. They all tell you what you want to hear, they tell you how much they love you, and you know, even with my ex, I believed the things he said and I do, he meant them... and that was always the hardest part... despite his fucked up actions, he was sincere, but he couldn't control himself or really do what he needed to do to truly love me and NOT hurt me. He crushed me, and I feel crushed again... every time I get to the point of giving, of trying to do all the morally right things, I'm rewarded with people who can't seem to have the same consideration... I think I'm fucked up, so "like" attracts like.
-author, anonymous
instincts... don't ignore when you feel something, you know, you just know, you can't deny... when people are "shifty" and they won't give straight answers... I hate to be right, I fucking HATE to be right... but the time-line of evidence is just too coincidental to not be true.It makes sense that since, even from the beginning, I saw and felt, and well, always want to give people the benefit of the doubt... and I feel sick to my stomach, and it all makes sense... And I think I know in my mind and heart it's confirmed. I feel sick and I'm not really sure what to do, how to feel...
I suppose it can be argued that it all happened before we got together... but the fact that he lied the whole time, and really, my morals are that I WILL not touch a guy who I know has a gf... And the main thing that it all comes down to? Honesty, trust, respect... lies. My read on things, was, as much as I wish it weren't true, completely right. And I feel sick to my stomach.
I'm pretty sure he was with his ex-gf all the way up until we got together (so yeah, really, didn't sleep with anyone else, I find that hard to believe). It all kinda makes sense, I was suspicious of a few things for a while, like his ex going to a baby shower for his cousin, if they had really been broken up for hella' long, why would she ever get invited? Also Disneyland, and exchanging things a few months later... and now it DOES make sense! Wtf* am I supposed to think? Why didn't I push for answers earlier?
*wtf = what the fuck, The 'W' can be used as what, where, who or when, following by the 'TF' which is always 'the fuck'
There's always that small glimmer of... "but maybe there will be some kind of
loophole so I can feel better about this and justified for staying... but the thing is, I just will never ever know if he would cheat on me, if he would throw the same disregard in my face... who knows if things started "dragging out" at the end, that I'd end up a fool once more..." I could never really trust that! Who knows, it could be the same... weekends with me, the week with someone else? Who knows...Have your cake and it eat too, indeed.
The problem with this... it hits on EVERY fear and trust issue I have. The whole problem with my first love, the guy who has my name f-ing tattooed to his arm?, is that he cheated on me for the last 6 months of our relationship... I knew, I had that feeling, that fear, and aside from the betrayal, what has damaged me the most and makes me the most paranoid is the fact that it went on under my nose the whole time, and we were LIVING TOGETHER!!!!!
And so this hits me too, particularly hard, because of the dishonesty, and lying to my face and deception... False sense of security. They all tell you what you want to hear, they tell you how much they love you, and you know, even with my ex, I believed the things he said and I do, he meant them... and that was always the hardest part... despite his fucked up actions, he was sincere, but he couldn't control himself or really do what he needed to do to truly love me and NOT hurt me. He crushed me, and I feel crushed again... every time I get to the point of giving, of trying to do all the morally right things, I'm rewarded with people who can't seem to have the same consideration... I think I'm fucked up, so "like" attracts like.
Never let your guard down. I'm a fool for having tried.
I feel fucking wrecked."
-author, anonymous
Venus Speaks
Ar1as Ent. 2010
*The photos, views,thoughts & opinions expressed on this section are strictly those of the original author & not entirely of Ar1as Entertainment. This section may be a compilation of/& may include; conversations with female friends, articles we read, personal experiences, anonymous submissions, others thoughts/views, &/or research.
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